A Technicolored Tribute

After spending forty minutes on the blustery-cold sidewalks of Boston reading Toni Morrison and waiting for the police to clear our office building after a bomb threat (you know, same old, same old), I decided I deserved a break from realism. So as I finished calculating December's dividends, I watched Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer. I was left utterly speechless. The flat bold colors, the poor animation, the rocking eighties soundtrack, the "special" outfits, the seemingly drug-induced premise . . .

As soon as I could form complete sentences again, however, I was flooded by a strange sense of relief. No wonder I'm weird. I grew up watching the likes of Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, My Little Pony, Gummi Bears, The Great Chipmunk Adventure, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Fluppy Dogs, and so on. It's remarkable I'm as normal, and halfway intelligent, as I am. You mean you can't make your bed fly and travel inter-dimensionally by scratching a dog's head? The city streets aren't being protected by martial arts trained vigilante mutants? And it's not okay to ditch your baby sitter and embark on a song-filled circumnavigation of the globe via hot air balloon to compete with other children? That's it. From here on out I intend to blame all my perceived abnormalities on eighties cartoons. So stop worrying about how strange (although some might say it's really just my fantastic imagination) I am. I mean how could I be anything else?

But really, let's get back to the topic at hand. Which, if you're wondering, is: what's not to love about this movie? There are star sprinkles, a magical rainbow land, minor villains called Murky and Lurky, and so much more. For instance, the dialogue. The movie was chock full of gems.

• "This is what you call help? A girl? . . . the glitterbots have everybody on Spectra hypnotized . . . and you bring me a girl!" Silly Krys, this isn't just any girl, it's Rainbow Brite! She has rainbows.
• "Why, at a moment like this, is the most magnificent horse in the universe standing here doing nothing at all?" Yeah, why Starlite? Why?
• "I don't know why they don't keep horses in mind when they design a castle." That's a good question, Starlite.

But it got even deeper than the dialogue. The movie raised thought-provoking, philosophical quandaries:

• Which is better, a horse that can fly or a horse that can think?
• Should one person be allowed to own the light of the universe?
  
• Flee or Fight? (Krys: "You even need someone to tell you which way to run!", Rainbow Brite: "Some of us aren't used to running away!") It's a good thing you two are working together!

But the treasure trove didn't even stop there. This movie was littered with pearls of wisdom for your everyday life:

• "I will not wear booties!" Good fashion sense, Starlite.
• "No horses in myroom!" I fullheartedly agree.
• "I could never let anything happen to the only person on earth who can see me!" Yeah, because if no one can see you, do you even exist Rainbow Brite?

All in all, I'd have to say it was 84 minutes well spent, well spent indeed. Although that might not be saying much. Today I'd be willing to say any 84 minutes not spent reading Toni Morrison is 84 minutes well spent (and consequently I'm only on page 48 of The Bluest Eye, my third YA realism book this week).